How To Have Sex
How To Have Sex is the sex education you never got at school, and have been quietly winging ever since. Hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. One very curious host and one expert who actually knows the answers. Every episode tackles a real topic: how to improve your sex life, how to talk about intimacy without killing the mood, how to have better orgasms, how to spice things up in a long-term relationship. Shame-free, refreshingly practical, and occasionally so mortifying you'll need to pause it. New episodes weekly.
Episodes
How To Come Back From Infidelity
Can you ever REALLY forgive someone for cheating? And even if you do, can your relationship ever be the same again?This week, we're getting VERY personal. Mel reveals that an ex-boyfriend cheated on her for a year and a half. At one point, another woman left his bed just TEN MINUTES before Mel arrived. Then he turned up at her workplace with a fake name, carrying flowers and a $300 necklace to
How To Choose & Use Adult Toys For Couples
Warning: there may be batteries. There may be buzzing. There will definitely be a Batman-shaped cock ring.This week Jay-Jay Feeney and sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes tip a giant box of toys onto the bed and work out what couples should actually be playing with. Whether you're a total beginner or your bedside drawer is already full, Mel walks through how to choose a toy based on the
How To Stop Resentment From Killing Your Sex Life
Not in the mood? It might not be your libido. You might just be really, really annoyed.Jay-Jay Feeney and sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes get into the sneaky way resentment shuts down desire. It's not always the big stuff. It's the bins, the groceries, the school notices, and always being the one who "just does it". All those little crumbs get swept under the rug until
How To Find The Best Positions That Work For Women
The best position isn’t necessarily the one that looks hottest in the Kama Sutra.This week, Jay-Jay Feeney and Melissa Vranjes are getting into positions - several of them, and figure out what actually makes one feel GOOD.Because different bodies like different things. You might not need a brand-new position altogether; maybe it’s a pillow, a tiny change in angle, a slower rhythm, more connection…
How To Get Back In The Dating Game
Freshly single and not sure where to even start? Jay-Jay and Mel get into everything about getting back into the dating scene: why so many women are done settling for less, why dating apps leave everyone feeling weirdly empty, and how to tell the difference between nerves and real chemistry on a first date (spoiler: your body genuinely can't tell them apart).Plus: Mel's first-date story involving
How To Have Hot Group Sex
Grab an extra pillow. Actually, grab a few …. this week there's a waiting list outside the bedroom door.Jay-Jay Feeney and certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes are back in bed together for one of the most requested (and most avoided) topics yet: group sex. It turns out this has quietly been one of Mel's ultimate fantasies all along, and once she's finally cornered into admi
How To Have A Great Sex Life As Parents
Congratulations, you got the kids to sleep! Now lock the door.... this episode is just getting started.Jay-Jay Feeney and certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes sit down for one of the most requested topics yet: how to actually have a sex life once you've got kids. Melissa is three months postpartum with her second baby and deep in the newborn trenches, so this one's personal
How To Have Wild Casual Sex
Mel is back in the saddle (well, the bed) after maternity leave, and she and Jay-Jay are diving straight into one of the most requested topics on the show: casual sex. Not the drunk, regretful, "what happened last night" kind; the confident, consensual, genuinely great kind.This week they cover where to actually meet people now that everyone's exhausted by dating apps, why the word "slut" deserves
How To Have Powerful, Internal Orgasms
Think you've never had an internal orgasm... or wondering if you're even capable of one? This week Jay-Jay and Mel are getting very hands-on (literally) with everything you need to know about internal, G-spot and cervical orgasms.Mel breaks down why internal orgasms feel so different from clitoral ones, why they're harder to access, and why almost every woman has the anatomy to experience one (it'
How To Come Back To Sex After a Dry Spell
Been a while? No judgment here. Dust off the cobwebs, we've got you. This week Jay-Jay and Mel are talking dry spells: what actually counts as one, why they happen even in happy relationships, and how to come back from one without the pressure of "perfect" sex.We bust the myth about your vagina supposedly "closing up" after a few dry years, unpack why going straight from zero to hero is a bad idea
How to Get Really Turned On
Ever been genuinely attracted to someone and still felt... nothing? Or found a candle way more arousing than anything actually sexual? This week Jay-Jay and Mel dig into the real psychology of arousal: what turns you on, why it's not as simple as "just get in the mood," and how to figure out your own erotic blueprint.Mel introduces the erotic mind map, a tool she uses with her one-on-one clients,
How To Get Out Of Your Head During Sex
Ever been fully naked, fully touched, and but still mentally reviewing the grocery list? Welcome to the club. This week Jay-Jay and Mel unpack why so many of us check out during sex, even when everything happening is objectively hot.They dig into the classic thinking-brain-versus-feeling-body problem, why meditation was never really about clearing your mind, the wild timing gap between when men an
How To Stop Faking It and Start Being Honest In Bed
Confession time: we've both faked it. 🙋♀️🙋♀️This week Jay-Jay and Mel get real about faking it, and we're not just talking about orgasms. We're talking about every quiet way we abandon ourselves in bed: nodding along, holding our breath, pretending we're way more flexible than we actually are.Mel breaks down why faking it is actually a smart nervous-system survival strategy, not a character flaw
How To Get Over Your Body and Sex Insecurities
This week Jay-Jay & Mel get vulnerable, and a little unhinged, talking about body confidence and sex insecurities. Jay-Jay finally admits the one insecurity she's never been able to shake. Mel spills on her breast implants: why she got them at 23, and why she took them out eight years later. They dig into where body shame actually comes from (hint: it's rarely just you), why labiaplasty is boo
How To Navigate Love, Judgment and an Age Gap: Jay-Jay & Minou
She met him on Facebook. He lived on the other side of the world. She didn't tell a soul for two years.This week Mel flips the script and puts Jay-Jay in the hot seat. We're talking about Jay-Jay's relationship with her partner Minou, the 18-year age gap, meeting through a random Facebook DM, navigating two completely different cultures and religions, and every single opinion the internet has ever
How To Get Better at Foreplay
Foreplay. Everyone's heard of it. Not everyone's doing it right.In this episode, Jay-Jay and Mel break down what foreplay actually is (spoiler: not just a quick neck kiss and a rub before getting to the main event), why rushing it is one of the biggest bedroom mistakes people make, and how slowing down can completely change your sex life.We also get into the surprisingly non-sexual stuff that coun
How To Spice It Up In Long-Term Relationships
Ever caught yourself calling your partner "babe" right before asking them to take the bins out, and that was basically the most romantic thing that happened all week? Yeah. This one's for you.This week JJ and Mel are talking about how to bring the spice back into long-term relationships, and no, it doesn't start with a sex swing. They unpack why couples slip into "flatmate energy," the sneaky way
How To Bring Your Fantasies To Life
Turns out almost everyone has a fantasy they've never told a single soul. This week Jay-Jay and sex & relationship coach Mel Vranjes get into sexual fantasies; what's actually going on underneath them, why just talking about one can be almost as hot as living it out, and how to bring it up with your partner without causing a small relationship earthquake.Mel shares the research on the most com
How To Initiate Sex
Ever wanted to make the first move and just… froze? Initiating is one of the most vulnerable things we do, and almost nobody talks about how hard it is.This week Jay-Jay Feeney and somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes get into how to initiate sex without the fear of rejection: why it can feel scarier than the sex itself, how to handle a "no" without spiralling, and the tiny shifts th
How to Explore Beginner-Friendly BDSM
BDSM. Two seconds after hearing that word, most people picture whips, chains, leather, and some kind of expensive basement situation. (Just me? Okay, just me.)This week, certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes breaks down what BDSM actually is — and spoiler: it's a much wider, far less terrifying spectrum than you think.We cover:What BDSM really means (and what it definitely d
How To Keep Porn From Replacing Intimacy
Porn. We're going there. Whether you watch it, your partner watches it, or you've never really thought about it, this episode is the honest, shame-free conversation you didn't know you needed.Jay-Jay and Mel explore why porn is so wildly popular, what your search history might (and might not) say about you, and the real question nobody asks: is your porn use helping, or quietly replacing intimacy
How To Actually Get Your Needs Met In Bed (Without Killing The Mood)
Asking for what you want in bed might be the scariest thing you never do. Scarier than being naked. Scarier than asking for a pay rise. And for a lot of us, we'd rather go along with it, fake it, or hope they read our minds.In this episode, sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes and broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney get into the real reason we go quiet in the bedroom, and what to do about it.You'll l
How to Self-Pleasure (and Why it Will Change Your Partnered Sex Life)
Did you know your solo sex life is literally the foundation of your partnered sex life?In this episode, Jay-Jay finally figures out why this topic makes her want to crawl under the duvet and never come out, and it's more relatable than you'd think.Certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes breaks down everything women were never taught about self-pleasure: where the shame actuall
How to Butt Play (Without Making it Weird or Scary)
Anal play. Butt stuff. The backdoor. Whatever you call it, more people are curious than will ever admit it. So this week, Jay-Jay and Mel are going there. Literally.Certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes joins a very nervous, very clenching Jay-Jay Feeney to unpack everything about anal and butt play, for all bodies and all genders. From the biology, to the beginner steps, to the stu
How to Have Earth Shattering Orgasms
Earth-shattering. It sounds ambitious, but Mel reckons it's not only possible, it's absolutely learnable. And it has nothing to do with performing, faking it, or wondering if you're taking too long.This week Jay-Jay and Mel go deep on orgasms; what they actually are, why they feel different depending on where they happen in your body, and why so many of us have been getting in our own way this who
How to Enhance Your Sex Life with Erotic Activities
This might be our most hilarious episode yet.In this episode of How To Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes set out to talk about erotic activities, erotic energy, and how to bring more play, anticipation and aliveness into your sex life… and somewhere along the way, things descend into absolute chaos. There are tears. There is wheezing. There is a completely u
How to Navigate Low Libido in Pregnancy and Sex Postpartum (Mel’s Story)
Pregnancy can change everything.. your body, your hormones, your relationship to pleasure, and the way you feel about s*x. In this deeply personal episode of How To Have S*x, Mel opens up about her first pregnancy, when she lost her libido at 15 weeks, stopped wanting s*x, and even lost the ability to have the internal org*sms she once loved. Jay-Jay and Mel talk honestly about what happens when
How to Dirty Talk (Without Dying of Embarrassment)
Dirty talk makes Jay-Jay want to crawl under the bed and disappear… so naturally, that’s exactly what this episode is about.In this episode of How To Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes tackle one of the most cringe-inducing parts of intimacy: saying sexy things out loud without dissolving into laughter. If the thought of dirty talk makes you want to do your t
How to Give World-Class Head
WATCH THE UNCENSORED VIDEO HERE: https://hthspodcast.substack.com/p/uncensored-video-how-to-give-worldTalking about oral sex makes Jay-Jay wildly uncomfortable… which is exactly why this episode had to happen.In this lesson of How To Have Sex, Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes get very practical about what makes oral sex actually feel good for everyone. This is not ab
Foreplay (Get into Bed with Jay-Jay & Mel)
Welcome to How To Have Sex ... the podcast giving everyday New Zealanders the practical tools to have better, more confident, more satisfying sex lives.Before we get into the good stuff, we're starting where all great sex starts: foreplay. This episode is your introduction to hosts Jay-Jay Feeney - veteran NZ broadcaster, podcaster, and self-confessed awkward sex-talker, and Melissa Vranjes, certi
How to Have the Best Sex of Your Life
What actually separates good sex from great sex? Spoiler: it's not the positions, the toys, or the techniques.In this episode, sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes and Jay-Jay Feeney get into the real foundations of hot sex, and it turns out most of us have been thinking about it completely wrong. Mel introduces her erotic mind mapping method, breaks down the three types of desire (and why m
WE ARE COMING!
One’s a sex coach. The other one’s awkward.Both are getting into bed to talk about it.How to Have Sex is hosted by Jay-Jay Feeney — one of New Zealand’s most recognisable voices — and Melissa Vranjes, a holistic sex & relationship coach and somatic therapist.Jay-Jay has the questions you’re too shy to ask.Melissa has the answers (and the experience).From world-class head to low libido, orgasms
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